“My family member passed away, and we don’t know anyone who can do the funeral. Can you help by doing two nights of wake and the funeral?”
This is becoming a commonly asked question, and after having done more than 50 wakes and funerals in two years, we have found them to be opportunities to get acquainted and be involved in people’s lives. I (Tonweya) have had the chance to pray with many as they are dying and then have their funeral afterwards. How I wish people would follow God all their lives instead of waiting until the end to pray to get to heaven! It would save so many heartaches!
What is a “wake”? In the Lakota Tradition, the body of a loved one is delivered to a home or community hall. From then until the burial, usually not more than three days later, someone from the family stays with the body. Traditionally this involved two nights, and they were buried the third day. In the past, this tradition would ensure that the individual was actually dead. This practice is changing, with some only doing one night of “wake” and then the funeral.
Each night at the wake a priest, minister, or medicine man holds a service, after which attendees can share songs or stories. In the past, this could go on for hours, but here in Winner there are only one or two people, besides the minister, who will share. After the service, an evening meal is served, then the majority of the people go home, leaving the close family to stay throughout the night. This is a perfect time to sit and talk with the family. Many of our close connections have been made during those long hours.
With the shift in traditions, we never quite know what each wake will be like. Often there is an honor song in Lakota by an individual or a drum group. Sometimes there are elements of Native Religion which can include burning sage to purify and protect themselves from negative spirits. There is always the making of a spirit plate (taking the food, blessing it, then setting it by the body). If a medicine man is present, he prays over the spirit of the deceased and the family.
Almost always the family is quite receptive and appreciative of our participation. There was one incident where we were invited to participate at the request of the father. However, the younger members of the family got up and left the building until we were done. We did our best to be a blessing to those remaining.
Attending multiple funerals with late nights can be exhausting, but it’s the follow-up that has kept the doors open. When everyone else has gone back to their normal life, those who are grieving can feel stuck. Judy recently kept in touch with someone who had lost her dad. She reported to Judy, “I feel like I’m in a ditch, trying to get out, but I can’t.” The door was wide open to point her to Jesus! Since then, she has reached out for prayer and kept in touch as she goes through the grieving process. There is so much pain in lives from personal scars and those who don’t have the hope of Heaven! Pray that God continues to reveal Himself to these hurting people. All the late nights are worth a needy heart finding Jesus!
We appreciate your prayers as our family participates in these ministry opportunities. It can be emotionally taxing on our children. Through it all, they are learning what it is to be a blessing to a grieving family. One mother shook Aiden’s hand, thanking him for being there for her son who was Aiden’s age and had lost his grandfather. “It means a lot to have you here,” she said. The next night, Adien was excited to go and even took coloring pages and games to play with the boys to be a help. We are seeing our children grow so fast and be a blessing to us and the ministry! We pray that they will continue to shine for Christ. In a culture that has witnessed a lot of meaningless religion, may God help our family point people to a true relationship with Christ.
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